Parenting on MarkJacobsen.net

Screens, Social Media, and Middle School Kids

Wed, 05 Feb 2020 03:18:54 +0000

Personally, I’m a huge fan of our middle school principal and his measured and thought provoking commentary on what is happening in the school. This is just a snippet from a recent newsletter, but thought it worthwhile to share:

We notice how much of the drama and struggle kids have at school is linked directly to the time and influences they are getting from social media, edgy television, and interactive gaming when those things go unmonitored. I can’t tell you how many friendship break-ups happen in 5th and 6th grade because someone insulted someone else while playing Fortnite! I can’t tell you how many issues that would have been forgotten by 4pm but have grown into anxiety because kids continue the petty conversations through their texting apps and social media late into the night. I can’t tell you how many parents seek the school to fix these things or label other people’s kids as “the problem” when the real problem is any kids having unlimited access to interactive technology when their brain is not developed enough to deal with it. This is a societal problem.

Something I can tell you, is I believe as parents we’re all trying to do our best. I can also tell you that no child is born mean. Kids just aren’t ready for all that we’ve allowed them access to, because it’s so darn intriguing (and designed to addict us all).

Schooling – The Minimalists Podcast

Wed, 06 Jun 2018 12:51:00 +0000

You have to listen to this! If you don’t think you have time, start at 45 minutes. T.K. Coleman makes some great points.

Schooling – The Minimalists Podcast

Telling Our Kids To “Walk Up, Not Out” Isn’t Just Wrong, It’s Incredibly Dangerous

Wed, 04 Apr 2018 12:35:00 +0000

Absolutely love every bit of this. Just a few nuggets…

“it isn’t an either/or proposition”

“Walking out is a powerful political statement being made by students too young to vote, but old enough to have performed multiple lockdown drills in their school.”

“insinuating that children are responsible for mass gun violence because they simply don’t take the time to “befriend the lonely kid” is not only victim-blaming, it’s dangerous”

“Walk up to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and tell yourself that you’ve done everything you can to prevent the next mass shooting. And if you can’t, stop looking to the students to save themselves and start looking at yourself.”

Telling Our Kids To “Walk Up, Not Out” Isn’t Just Wrong, It’s Incredibly Dangerous

Feed Your Kid Dinner at 3 P.M.

Thu, 22 Mar 2018 14:39:00 +0000

Seems like an interesting concept if you can pull it off. My only reservation is that it can cut down on “family time”, but if it means better bedtime routines then it may just be worth it.

Feed Your Kid Dinner at 3 P.M.

Porn is not the worst thing on obscure social media sites

Wed, 21 Mar 2018 11:59:00 +0000

Love the reminder why my kids aren’t getting a phone or going on social media any time soon (if ever)…

“Puberty is harrowing enough in physical form, asking a child to also manage an online ego is like asking them to thread a needle while the plane is going down”

Porn is not the worst thing on Musical.ly. – Anastasia Basil – Medium

Stop Asking Your Kid About Their Day

Tue, 06 Mar 2018 16:24:00 +0000

It probably wouldn’t hurt for me to remember this. My goal is for them to want to talk to me when there really are important things weighing on their minds, and I know I did and still do tend to shut down just as described when treated the same way.

Stop Asking Your Kid About Their Day

The Confidence Gap

Fri, 02 Mar 2018 12:17:00 +0000

Job #1. Try to instill confidence in my girls…

Success, it turns out, correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence.

Read the full article here

3 Things I Wish Parents – and Teens – Knew About Pot

Fri, 23 Feb 2018 12:18:00 +0000

You learn something new everyday. And naive little me thought marijuana was just marijuana.

3 Things I Wish Parents – and Teens – Knew About Pot

Why You Should Let Kids Fight

Mon, 05 Feb 2018 15:34:00 +0000

Interesting, and yet hard to do sometimes. My gut says that generally speaking husbands are more apt to do this, but maybe that’s just speaking from personal experience 🙂

Why You Should Let Kids Fight

The Essence of Fatherhood: 6 Simple Lessons

Mon, 18 Dec 2017 14:56:00 +0000

Having been doing this for 10 years there’s lots of truth here…

Your first job is to love them
Your example is more important than your words
A hug is more powerful than punishment
Trust them
Let them be who they’re going to be
Read with them

Read the full article here

The scary truth about what’s hurting our kids

Mon, 11 Dec 2017 13:19:00 +0000

This article makes me glad we haven’t given into giving the kids their own tablets and esp not a phone. How many years can we keep it up? Another reminder…
The scary truth about what’s hurting our kids

Learning to Slow Down (with Nichole Nordeman – Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker)

Mon, 20 Nov 2017 20:54:00 +0000

I thought this was a good show. While most of the talking is about moms there’s a lot that is appropriate for dads to keep in mind as well.
Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker: #40: Learning to Slow Down (with guest Nichole Nordeman)

Teaching Your Kids About Other Cultures (with Tsh Oxenreider)

Sat, 28 Oct 2017 00:09:00 +0000

So many good ideas and concepts in this podcast…
When everything’s amazing, nothing is.
Also love the idea of traveling and living with less.
Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker: #38: Teaching Your Kids About Other Cultures (with guest Tsh Oxenreider)

_You can find all my shares on my Facebook Page

Parental Zen: How to Keep Your Cool as a Parent #1aDay

Thu, 03 Jul 2014 11:09:00 +0000

Leo provides more great insight on keeping your cool as a parent. I know I’m nowhere near perfect on this, but it’s a good reminder. As he says:

“The main problem is that we have some ideal as parents, of how our kids should behave. We think they should be ideal kids, but in truth they’re not ideal, they’re real. They have faults, just like we do. They need help, they make mistakes, they get angry, they get frustrated. We do too. Let’s figure out how to behave when we make mistakes, get angry, get frustrated, and show the kids how to do this through our example.”

Read the full article here

For The Children’s Sake, Put Down That Smartphone #1aDay

Thu, 08 May 2014 11:01:00 +0000

It’s not just kids who are overdoing screen time. Parents are often just as guilty of spending too much time checking smartphones and e-mail — and the consequences for their children can be troubling.

While I’m no angel when it comes to my phone I do make a conscious effort to disable just about every type of notification and not look at it when in the middle of talking to someone (unless it’s to check on something they asked about). If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s the people who have every notification turned on then tell you that they don’t even notice it anymore… well the rest of us who are trying to talk to you do – and so do your kids as this article points out.

Read the full article here

You’re Washing Your Clothes Too Often! (What to Do Instead) #1aDay

Wed, 07 May 2014 11:01:00 +0000

My wife is probably going to hate this article, but I did promise a “clean” article after [yesterday’s post][1].

Read the full article here[1]: http://visit.markjacobsen.net/2014/05/go-the-fk-home/

The Male Dominated Field of Programming #1aDay

Mon, 28 Apr 2014 12:14:00 +0000

Apparently only around 20% to 30% of currently working programmers are female, and in my experience it seems to be closer to 20% than 30%. Still, the post raises some important points especially about behavior.

I want my girls to be able to do anything they are capable of and interested in just like I wish the same for any boy.

Still, regarding the cartoon, I half wonder if the person has ever watched a girl play with a doll. There is more going on in a 5 minute session than I can keep track of when I watch my girls with their dolls… And yes, they also love the “ipad” (aka Kindle Fire).

Read the full article here

Clutterfree with Kids

Mon, 27 Jan 2014 06:25:30 +0000

[][1]
A few weeks ago I was honored to receive an advanced copy of “[Clutterfree with Kids][1]” by Joshua Becker for review. One of the things I appreciate most about Joshua’s writing and articles is that he’s what I consider a “normal” minimalist in that he owns a house, has kids, and has a job. In other words, he’s just like you and me – only he and his family have chosen to live a life of less so that they may appreciate it more. Even better, he rightfully acknowledges that everyone’s brand of minimalism is different.

Regarding [the book][1], I’ll say that if you’ve read one book on minimalism you’ve read them all and this is not a huge exception to the rule, but if you have not this is a great place to start if you consider yourself to be a “normal” person and are interested in how living a life of less can give you more.

I think the key if you’re married is that you have to get your spouse on-board. Otherwise, don’t expect to have a truly “clutterfree” life (not that it’s really even possible with kids). I think the most you can really hope for is a more organized chaos. Making intentional choices like limiting TV or Internet time. Choosing to eat together as a family. Choosing your activities more deliberately. Choosing to travel with less so that you experience more.

To hit on some of the high points, these were a few of my main take-aways…

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it <- Read that again
Start with small victories. Don’t tackle the hard things first.
Owning less allows us to own higher quality items.
Consider the true cost of your purchases – time, maintenance, cleaning
Less is different than none.
There is more joy to be found in owning less then can ever be found in organizing more.
Organizing more never addresses the underlying problem.
It is far better to de-own than to declutter.
Intentionally or unintentionally we are all minimizing something.
Gift giving: take time to let the fads show themselves then purge without concern. Conversely don’t force your ideas on others.
Compare downward – many people with less “stuff” are actually happier.

Bottom line, for a couple bucks and a few hours of your time, there are much worse things you could be doing, and on the bright side, it just may change your life. Can’t go wrong with that.

[Get the book today][1]

What do you think?

PS: Thanks again Joshua for allowing me to preview the book. I read every word, and it was a good refresher.[1]: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HYNJKCU?ie=UTF8&tag=firenice

Principles, Priorities, and Values – oh my!

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 18:23:26 +0000

Lately I’ve been thinking about the important things to me. What my “principles”, “priorities”, or “values” are. I’m sure I could spout off a number of things, but here are the big ideas that come to mind.

Family
My family is the most important thing in the world to me. I will do anything within my power for my wife and kids. What is the purpose of life without someone or a cause to love?

Goals
Goals keep us moving forward. They give us something to strive for. But don’t confuse a want with a goal. Remember, goals are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Planning
A dream without a plan is only a wish upon a star, but beware analysis paralysis. Use planning to achieve your goals. And remember, plans change. Change with them.

Disciplined Action
This is where you walk the walk. Achieving any goal or carrying out any plan is primarily a matter of disciplined action. It’s making the hard choices. Doing things you don’t want to do. Doing as you say. Being a role-model.

Routine
The easiest way to maintain disciplined action is through routine. Routine isn’t a dirty word or meant in a negative way. Some might call it a ritual.

Spontaneity (White Space)
Of course once you have planned your disciplined actions and made them a routine it’s amazing how much time you can find for other things. Once you know where the unmovable objects are it’s easy to find the space between. Remember to keep white space in your schedule. You can’t plan everything and if you try to you will drive yourself and those around you crazy. Schedule your priorities. Don’t schedule your life.

Self Control

Tue, 27 Nov 2012 21:59:37 +0000

A friend shared this post from facebook and I thought it worthwhile to pass along…

If we cannot control our own mouths (e.g. we lecture too much, have to prove our point, yell and scream)…how can we expect our children to control their mouths?

If we cannot control our emotions, how can we expect our kids to control their emotions?

… Let’s make 2013 the year we get control of ourselves.

Of course this is sometimes easier said than done as any parent can attest to 🙂